Giving Up On Being Right

Your ego needs love more than anything else

But this price comes with a gigantic gift.

I can choose to rely on myself only. I can choose to not give a flying fuck about my poor decision making of the past and move on with my life, no longer depending on people I don’t trust anymore (oh, the irony) suddenly seeing the error of their ways and paying back everything I gave them ever, in every way imaginable. I can choose to be empowered.

What happens next?

I wrote the above text a long nine months ago. It was what my sad, sorry fingers succeeded in retrieving from my depleted brain after I published it without realizing it hadn’t been saved. Reading it now, I think I can see why I didn’t manage to resurrect it completely back then.

Here, have some tactlessness

Have you ever noticed what happens when a person is, say, grieving the loss of a loved one and some (equally, if not more internally wounded, but not in a place to see it) other person comes along and says something along the lines of: “How are you still not over it? Jeez, pull yourself together.”

Can there be a conclusion?

Yes, in a sense. What I have come to realize in the months since writing the above may be distilled down to this:

Every thought I entertain that upholds a view of myself or part of myself as separate from the rest of the world is ultimately one that reinforces destructive patterns, regardless of the light it paints me in.

That includes viewing part of myself as separate from myself. I am all that I am. I cannot seriously go about my life with the conviction that the things I think, do and stand for do not affect the people around me. That telling part of myself to desist from being as a means to an end will result in that part to cease, and the end to emerge.

Book designer, autistic single mom, Human Design obsessive, severely klutzy chef. https://estherpatrizia.com for HD sessions.

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