Ego Will Get You Every Time

All you can do is commit to learning

As I was busting all of our egos, my own was growing.

I thought for a second about waiting to publish it the next day, but then I thought, nah. It’s good to go now. Let’s do it! So I hit publish. I clicked on my story to proofread again, as I always do — the thrill of the fresh-pressed lets you spot everything you didn’t see when you checked before.

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So, what do you do?

First, you google “Medium story published half is missing” and try to somehow get your words back from the dead.

But here’s what I’m going to do about it.

  1. Write this story, to get the words about the words out of my head.
  2. Let myself feel. The shock and the anger, hopelessness and frustration. Unconditionally. For days, if necessary.
  3. Know there’s a gift. At least now I can write this story. At least I found that post about earning money through the Partner Program. At least I had the chance to experience and process these feelings for the 178th time. At least this served as a reminder that I need to take precautions and react accordingly to messages like “We were unable to save your post at this time. Click here to learn how to fix this.” — instead of dismissing them and thinking publishing the post will magically solve the problem I was ignoring while it stared me in the face.

If it hurts, it will stick

Human beings are antifragile. If we choose ourselves over the convenience of brushing off our pain, adversity and negative experiences will make us stronger. My lost words hurt like daggers. Almost literally. I mean it, the feeling borders on that of an in-the-flesh knife wound. You know, almost.

But I’m going to squeeze every last drop of learning I can muster out of that pain.

I needed to learn to let my stories sit for a day. That way, I can go through them, making last minute corrections the next day after letting my intuition do its thing — it is slow and needs some time apart from words to really process what it’s trying to say — then hit publish and move on to write the next post immediately. That’s my kind of flow. But there’s an even bigger lesson.

Ego kicks you in the stomach

For about a year now, I have repeatedly seen the universe smacking me in the face hard whenever I let my ego get ahead. When baking bread, when baking cake, with my son, with writing, with everything I learn, with people in my environment.

Don’t you dare think you need to be better than other human beings to deserve everything you want.

You are already all you need to be. You already have everything you will ever need. And you are exactly where you need to be. Now get back to learning, you lovely person. Stay wise. Stop thinking you know better.

Book designer, autistic single mom, Human Design obsessive, severely klutzy chef. https://estherpatrizia.com for HD sessions.

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